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How Children Learn Good Manners

9/18/2014

4 Comments

 
Picture Manners are learned through play.
"Would you like some tea?” 
“May I have a turn on the swing?” 
 “Thank you!”    
        
Hearing these polite phrases is an unexpected delight, rather than a rule. What is desperately needed today is the idea of treating others with care and consideration. At the very least, we need to teach children “civility,” which is the bare minimum of good manners. Being polite takes civility a step further, implying polished manners and thoughtfulness.             



 In today’s society, there is a lack of good manners. Often people don’t seem to care about how they treat others in what they say or do. But is politeness important when there are deeper problems: war, abuse, disease, hunger? 

Why Teach Children Civility?    

Civility is not a list of outdated rules for people to follow. Civility is a way of treating people. Children need to learn rules that will help them in their everyday life. There are rules in each household, in school, and in society that people need to live by. Learning how to be civil will help children in typical social situations, such as meeting new people, eating in a restaurant, going to a birthday party. Learning social manners and rules can help children feel more comfortable in these situations -- just as adults feel more comfortable in a situation where they know what to say, what to do, and how to act. 

When a child asks, “May I have a turn on the swing?” not only will he very likely get a turn, he might also make a new friend. When a child asks, “Could I please have one of your cookies?” she is taking a risk. The answer could be, “Yes!” or “No!” Good manners involves risks that are worth taking. When a child gets a cookie or a turn on the swing and responds with a “Thank you,” other children will appreciate her attitude -- and learn that politeness has its own rewards.

Hopefully, teaching you child good manners will go beyond the superficial act of saying and doing the right thing, and also teach the caring attitude that makes manners come naturally. In many cultures all over the world, there is a saying similar to the “Golden Rule:” Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. It simply means, treat other people as you would want to be treated. This is the basis for civility. Good manners makes life more pleasant for everyone involved. 

Different Setting, Different Rules

Being civil relates to so many aspects of everyday life: home and family, meals, parties, introductions, invitations, guests. Your child’s world consists of home and community. 
Your child learns that different behaviors may apply in different situations. At home your child can help pick up his toys after he plays. At the grocery store, he might help pick up a box of cereal that has fallen off the shelf. At home your child might have a special teddy bear she doesn’t want to share with anyone. At daycare, all the toys are for sharing. When at home, your child might talk about the TV show you are watching, but at the movie theater, she will have to wait until the movie is over, or whisper quietly so she does not disturb the other people in the theater. When riding in the car, your child should stay seat belted in his car seat, but on a train, all the seats might be taken so she might have to stand or give his seat to an elderly person. 


Different settings call for different rules. It’s a lot to learn. Before you go to a restaurant with your child, you might tell him what to expect. “We all have to sit quietly while we are waiting for our food.” “We all have to wait until we are finished eating before getting up from the table.” These expectations are very different from what is expected at home where the food maybe on the table when he sits down for supper and where he can get up and play when he is finished eating. 

How Children Learn Good Manners

Children learn good manners in much the same way they learn to do everything: by listening, watching, playing, and modeling their behavior after their parents and caregivers. Children need to be treated with respect and good manners by the adults who take care of them. 

Children very much want to please the adults they love. But manners do not come naturally. Manners need to be taught. Children are egocentric, meaning that they have trouble seeing a situation from another person’s viewpoint. Sometimes it might not feel good to share or say, “I’m sorry.” It’s best not to force your child into being polite because then while the outward actions will show correct behavior, the heart will be in the wrong place. Instead, if there is a special toy belonging to your child and she is not ready to share it, ask her to help her friend find one of her other toys to play with. If your child is not ready to say, “I’m sorry,” don’t force her. It will embarrass all the people involved. You can say, “I’m sorry,” for her. 

Children are naturally curious. They might ask a question in front of someone that is not polite. For example, pointing to a pregnant woman, a child might say loudly, “Why does she have a big tummy?” The situation can be uncomfortable for you. You can apologize on behalf of your child. Children don’t always know when they are being rude. “Our job as parents is to teach children acceptable ways of expressing themselves,” points out Nancy Samalin, best-selling author of parenting books. 
If you treat your child politely, it is more likely he will treat you and other people politely. If you knock on his bedroom door before entering, if you don’t scold him in front of his friends, if you show others you care about him, mostly like he will reflect your good attitude and good manners. 

Amy Houts is the author of over 60 books for children and four cookbooks including, Mealtime Magic: Delicious Dinners in Half the Time, Cooking Around The Country With Kids: USA Regional Recipes And Fun Activities, and the companion cookbook, Cooking Around The Calendar With Kids: Holiday And Seasonal Food & Fun. See more about Amy and her books at her website. 

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NEW YORK CITY VACATION WITH TWIN ONE-YEAR OLD BABIES

8/21/2014

8 Comments

 
“It only takes five adults to care for two babies,” my mother said of her one-year-old twin great-grandsons, Tobiah and Jacob. Steve and I were visiting New York City with our daughter, Emily, and son-in-law, Nick. It was their idea. We never would have suggested a trip to NYC with babies. Nick is a big Chicago Cubs fan, so for his birthday, they wanted to attend a Cubs/New York Mets baseball game at Citi Field in Queens. They asked Steve and me (Grandma and Grandpa) to babysit while they attended the game. 

But we had so many questions. How would we get around with babies? And where should we take them? I knew we wouldn’t be attending Broadway plays or the ballet or concerts as we had previously. What would we do? How would we feed them? We asked friends, did research, talked and planned, and as a result, had a wonderful experience. Here’s how.

ON THE AIRPLANE

PictureRockefeller Center (Photo by Emily Bush)
We flew from the Des Moines airport on a nonstop 7:00 AM flight to La Guardia airport in Queens. Extra time was required for security to check and scan the babies’ bottles of milk. Toby and Jake would drink their bottles during takeoff and landing to help prevent discomfort from the cabin pressure, but they finished too early because the plane was still taxiing. We were able to board early and gate check the umbrella strollers and our carryon bags. The plane was designed with two seats on each side of the aisle. Steve and I sat one row ahead of Emily and Nick in rows 15 and 16. Something we didn’t know—there were only three oxygen masks for two seats, so although we were planning to take care of one of the twins throughout the flight, now there was no question. We would have to take one of the twins for the whole two-and-a-half hour flight. 

Steve and I passed Jake back and forth, depending on his preference, but didn’t allow him to stand in the aisle. He enjoyed being able to touch the ceiling, feel the air from the vent blow on his face, and pull down the window shade. (Steve had to pull it up.) I tried turning the light on, but it shined in his eyes, so I turned it off. When the flight attendant offered us a drink and snack, she gave Jake two plastic cups and showed him how to tap them together, bottom to bottom. For breakfast, we placed Puffs ™ cereal in a cup, one by one, for Jake to pick up and eat. He also ate an organic food pouch with a built-in straw, which was easy to consume. See an example here.

We looked at an Indestructible, ™ wordless book called “Mama and Baby!” one that Jake could not tear or destroy. He teethed on Sophie the Giraffe ™ but wasn’t interested in the clip-together teethers I had brought. For a short time, Jake was enchanted by the fact that Sophie “disappeared” when I placed her inside a cloth bag. We held and cajoled and entertained Jake for two hours—and then he went to sleep. Actually, the plane trip went better than we had imagined.

Nick and Emily were in the row behind us with Toby, so we kept peeking back at them to see how Toby was doing. They did many of the same things we did: fed him, pointed at things out the window, let him look around (but he wasn’t as interested in the ceiling as Jake was). Nick changed Toby’s diaper using the fold-down changing table in the airplane bathroom, which I didn’t know they had. Toby fell asleep for a good amount of time. There were no tears on this flight.     


Picture
The Aerial Tramway wires (Photo by Emily Bush)

TRAVELING IN THE CITY

Emily and Nick had reserved a Kid Car, to get from the airport to the hotel because they provided car seats, something taxis don’t. After helping them, Steve and I took a 30-minute taxi drive from the airport to my mother’s Manhattan apartment where we would stay. Nick had booked a suite in the Holiday Inn Express on West 45th Street. Having a separate living room/bedroom was important so the boys could take naps and go to bed early while the adults had a separate room to stay up later. Although two cribs were reserved over a month before the trip, the hotel made a mistake on the reservation so they only provided one crib. They didn’t get the second crib until the third day, so the boys slept together in the same crib. This went surprisingly well considering Toby wears a brace on his feet at night and the crib was not a standard size, but a mini-crib.

The umbrella strollers used for Toby and Jake folded up for easy storage on the bus, in a restaurant, and the hotel. Emily and Nick had considered buying a double umbrella stroller, but decided two separate strollers would be easier to maneuver and store. We all took turns pushing. We either walked or took buses. Thankfully, we only got caught in the rain once early in our trip. The weather was comfortable, around 80 degrees, and sunny the rest of the week. 

KID-FRIENDLY RESTAURANTS

For lunch the first day, we ate at the Potbelly Sandwich Shop where we fed the boys in their strollers because they didn’t have any highchairs. So before we went to dinner, we telephoned several of the restaurants. Some had only one highchair or none at all. So we Googled “Kid-Friendly NYC Restaurants in Midtown,” and found an Italian restaurant with good reviews. After arriving, we found out that every table was filled (on a Tuesday night) and we would have to wait for over an hour. So we left. Next time we would make a reservation. Fortunately, we had passed HB Burger on our way to the Italian restaurant. They were able to seat us and had the required number of highchairs (plus the food was good). Although the boys had mostly grown out of baby food and bottles, Emily and Nick brought both along to make meals simple and help ensure the boys had nutritious food to eat. They also ate from our plates. We ordered delivery and takeout either near the hotel or my mom’s apartment. We met our cousins at Marche Du Sud for an extra special lunch. Here’s a list of the restaurants we enjoyed.
  • HB Burger (Heartland Brewery): 127 West 43rd Street, New York, NY
  • Caffe Linda: 145 East 49th Street, New York, NY 10017
  • Go Noodle (Delivery): 1069 1st Ave, New York, NY 
  • Ray’s Pizza (Delivery): 811 Lexington Ave, New York, NY
  • Fresh Delish (Take out):  1167 2nd Ave, New York, NY 
  • Pot Belly Sandwich: 19 West 45th Street, New York, NY
  • Pret de Manger: 62 West 45th Street, New York, NY
  • Chipotle (Take out): 25 West 45th St., New York, NY
  • Ritz Diner:  1133 1st Ave, New York, NY
  • Marche Du Sud: 1136 1st Ave, New York, NY

KID-FRIENDLY PLACES 

Picture
After his first ride on a swing, Toby straddles an elephant statue at St. Catherine's Park. (Photos by Emily Bush)
Anywhere you can push a stroller, even if it’s perceived as being quiet (like a museum) is a good place to take a baby. Toby and Jake loved the Metropolitan Museum. So many things to see! We pushed them in their strollers. We walked through Central Park near the zoo, but felt the cost to visit the zoo was prohibitive ($18 for adults and $13 for children) when the boys were this young. We’ll reserve that for a future trip. Something unusual I had never done even though I lived in New York and visited many times was riding the Aerial Tramway to Roosevelt Island. On the way there, it wasn’t crowded so we could stand near the window for spectacular views of the city. Emily shot several photos on her phone. Due to the number of bags needed for the boys, she didn’t pack her Nikon camera. Once there, we took a walk on a tree-lined pathway along the water and then rode the bus (for free) around the island. The boys enjoyed the ride, and on the island they were allowed to stay in their strollers while riding the bus. Back in Manhattan, we took the boys out of the strollers and folded them up as soon as we saw our bus arrive at the bus stop. Having extra people to hold babies and strollers helped. 
Picture
Aerial Tramway (Photo by Steve Houts)
Here’s a list of place we went:

OUTSIDE
  • Central Park: Spans 5th to 8th Ave and West 59th through 110th 
  • Rockefeller Center: 47-50th Streets and Avenue of the Americas
  • Times Square (best not on the weekend when the streets are too crowded to move): Between Broadway and 7th Ave and West 46th and West 47th Streets
  • St. Catherine’s Park (playground with baby swings, slides, etc.): Corner of East 67th and 1st Ave. 
  • Aerial Tramway to Roosevelt Island and bus around island: Roosevelt Island Tramway Station (Manhattan Side) East 60th and 2nd Ave
  • Bryant Park: 6th Ave between West 40th and 42nd Streets

INSIDE
  • Metropolitan Museum: 5th Ave between 80th and 84th, New York, NY
  • FAO Schwarz Toy Store: 767 5th Ave, New York, NY
  • Bed Bath & Beyond (with Buy Buy Baby to stock up on supplies): Several locations. We went to the 1st Ave location near East 60th 

Great Memories

Traveling home didn’t go quite as smoothly. We were all tired. Arriving for our evening flight (which left La Guardia at 7 pm) 3 hours early allowed time for the busy NY airport and to eat supper. Jake cried just a little before drifting off to sleep in Grandpa’s arms about an hour after boarding the plane. Toby wasn’t very fussy but fought sleep until the last half hour of the flight. We all had wonderful memories to carry us back to the Midwest.
8 Comments

My First Book for Babies

6/3/2014

0 Comments

 
PictureJake looks at his book.
Our daughter, Emily, and twin grandsons stayed with us on and off for 8 weeks during their transition, moving from California to Iowa. Now they are only a 2 ½-hour drive away instead of a 3-day drive! We are thrilled! It was so wonderfully busy here. (That’s why I haven't written a blog post since March 3rd.) While she was here, Emily and I created a book for each boy. Toby and Jake were 7-months old when they arrived (on my birthday!). 

Jake’s book was all about Jake. Toby’s book was all about Toby. We started by looking through the many photos Emily had taken of the boys, finding ones when they were alone (mostly) and performing a specific action such as, playing, sitting, standing, eating, etc. We printed them out in color on regular paper as I thought photo paper would be too heavy. 


PictureWe used 18 photos of each boy.
Emily wrote a sentence or two on each page, for example, “Toby is crawling.” Then we put the pictures in a logical order ending with each boy sleeping. We placed the pictures in plastic sleeves and then in 3-ring binders, one for each boy. Emily made a special cover with another photo and a title that included the name of each boy. The books were so much fun to create! You can make books for your babies. (I’m sure toddlers and preschoolers would love them, too.) It’s like a mini-scrapbook. Our grandsons are still learning how to turn the pages without destroying them, but I believe these homemade treasures will be looked at and read again and again.  


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